Why am I here?
WHY am I here?!
Because down through the ages
people have prayed in the place
where I live.
They’ve watched and they’ve waited.
They’ve listened and stayed,
and fasted and prayed.
And then there was
because…
Once upon forever ago, someone
was still.
Someone stopped.
Someone waited.
Someone watched.
Someone listened
to God.
And then because…
Well, just because…
Just because I’m the only girl!!
A girl with six brothers.
Aged thirteen with no mother.
Different and other and out on
the edge.
Watching…
Not fitting.
Whinging and wailing.
A moaner.
A misfit.
Why am I here?
Because Truth was on my case.
Because Spirit broke in and
uncovered my lies
about who I am,
about what I can’t do,
And even though I was only half
listening
God was all ears.
God was ALL ears.
Waiting for a breakthrough, a crack
in my shell,
a gap in the clouds,
a half-hearted prayer…
just …
a moment of truth.
Truth.
And then maybe…
because in the loneliest,
darkest deep of the night
I met with Peace.
In the velvety darkness
I met with a Mother like no
other
I met with my God.
Why am I here?
Why AM I here?
I’m here because I’m a wife to a
man,
my not-yet-believer who loved me
enough
not to give up and leave her
when she
fell
for
another - my God.
I’m here because once …
very slightly,
I almost really, totally, completely
properly meant it,
when I sang that ‘Oceans’ song:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me…
And he called me.
I’m here because Holy Spirit
broke in and uncovered my lies!
I’m a woman with purpose.
I have a life with direction.
I’ve spent time on the edge for
a beautiful reason,
and this is a season when,
instead of retiring
I’m just getting moving
But why am I here?
Why am I here?
Because I’m a dreamer, a can
do-er
I’m a knitter and weaver
of people and food and
singing and painting and
writing and praying and…
God heard my prayer.
God grew in me this crazy thing,
this growing inside,
this new name over and around
and inside of me,
which was strangely familiar.
…
Am I really a messenger?
Is that why I’m Angela?
God planted the gospel deep
inside.
It bubbles up now and I can’t
run or hide.
I can scare myself stiff
but I just have to face my fear.
There’s a gospel to live,
and a blessing to give,
and an ear that needs to hear
‘cause that’s
who
I
am.
Why am I here?
Because I got really, really
fed up
and frustrated
and snippy
with people who just seemed
flippin’ lazy -
‘cause I knew I could do
something exciting and crazy if I just
had
the space!
Because one day in Sidmouth
on my drive to DHQ,
I stopped at a T-junction
and out of the blue,
God scared the poo
out of me.
He scared the poo out of me!!
He said
He said…
“If you could just give
me that love for those people
and – you’re not gonna like it,
and I know it sounds barmy, but
…
your love for the Army?
We could really do
something!”
I said “Nooooo!!!!!”
and as I was driving
I was shouting and yelling
And I’m here because
then
I said
“Go on then God.
Whatever.
If you say so Boss.”
Why am I here?
Because the Salvation Army heard
God in my story.
They listened to Him, and they
listened to me,
and despite all the layers of
hierarchy
they heard the call,
and they followed the Spirit.
They encouraged and tested
and then
they invested.
I’m not your average soldier
but that’s okay.
God’s not into ‘average’ anyway.
I’m a one-off woman, with a
special set of gifts,
in a place that I love with its loneliness
and hurts.
I’m called and I’m chosen
for such a time as this.
I’m fearful but I’m trusting.
I am weak but know God’s
strong.
… and I’m really glad that
Hillsong
went and wrote that ‘Oceans’ song.
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