Letting Go

It's a bit of a theme at the moment, letting go.

A while back I came to a fork in the road and chose a different one from my churchy friends. I said goodbye and it hurt.  It still hurts.  I miss being with them - especially the children.

Then I had my last pint of beer, a glass of champagne, said goodbye to alcohol, and joined The Salvation Army.

Over many months, plans have been in place for a major restructure at my workplace, and on 1st July we finally arrived at D-Day.  Over the past couple of weeks, the wonderful family I've been part of has been blown apart and there have been far too many painful goodbyes. 

And now it's time to say farewell to the gospel choir I've loved and journeyed with for the past thirteen years.  They have been an absolute joy to me.  I've learned so much with them and we've flourished together... but this weekend I'll be leading them for the very last time.  I need to let go of this baby of mine.

Somehow, it's been the little things that have hurt, the reminders of how things used to be, the labels that fitted and the symbols of belonging - giving my gospel choir gown back for instance.  It's all so ridiculously painful.

I've chosen most of these paths.  I've felt called to them.  But even so, everything in me has been fighting against the 'little deaths' of letting go, but I'm getting there. Slowly.

I've noticed people using an unfamiliar word recently:  Liminality

It comes from the Latin word limens meaning 'threshold'.  A liminal space is the place of transition, waiting and not knowing. Franciscan priest and theologian Richard Rohr says liminality is when you are 'between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer'.

Apparently, this is a good space.  It's a sacred space where genuine newness can begin.  Rohr says when the old world is able to fall apart, a bigger world is revealed.

It's an opportunity to choose transformation.

It's a little death
A letting go 
A hitting of rock bottom
A tipping point

An opportunity to choose transformation ... or to find someone to blame and become angry and bitter.

Rohr says it's all about what we do with our pain.  If we choose to stop fighting and to walk through the depths, we will come out the other side knowing we've been taken there by a Source larger than ourselves ... this is what it means to be saved, to allow and accept the mystery of transformation.

The crucified Jesus is a statement about what to do with pain.  He doesn't retaliate. He holds the pain.  He embraces death and enters into that liminal space, the threshold, the mystery and wilderness of Easter Saturday.  

Through his death, Jesus releases a new spirit of love, compassion and forgiveness into the world, trusting that the transformation and new life of Sunday is coming.

So this is the place I'm moving through right now.  I don't know what lies ahead. My ideas about who I am, where I belong and what my purpose is have been thrown up in the air.  But I'm trusting that Sunday's coming.

I'm learning to let go.  

I'm choosing transformation.